Monday, April 14, 2008

Delicate Balance

It has been months since the bishop talked to us...probably in January, around tithing settlement time. Since then many things have changed. We have drifted farther from the church. We knew we still had to go to keep up appearance, but it has become less and less since January. At first it was just skipping on priesthood/rs meetings at the end of the block. Then, more and more, we only went to sacrament meeting each week. At this point, we only attend sacrament meeting about 2-3 times a month. It works for us, it's not to horrible but it allows us to let people see us in a church setting and therefore think that we aren't apostates, just lazy/jack/what have you.

No one has contacted us about what's going on with us since the Bishop. Only one person knows, for sure, what is going on (the elders quorum pres.), and if he is going to keep it to himself like he is supposed to then no one else will ever know. We no longer have callings: DH dropped his, including home teaching, and I was released from mine right before this whole thing began. As for visiting teaching, well, I'm just like half of the ward now who just plain never does it. We were never great friends with any of the ward members and so we are not terribly missed by anyone. I assume that they think we have been thrust in the miserable pit of nursery/primary and that is why we are not seen after sacrament meeting. We like them to think that.

We are in a delicate balance, but we are happy. It would be easy for people to figure things out, to realize what is happening. We hope they don't. We don't want to be harassed. We just want to stay Mormon without doing any of the hard work :) As long as we have our temple recommends, our families will have no reason to suspect things, either, and we just got those renewed in February. We've got time. Now our goal is to find a place to move to where we can start over, where we can start a reputation of being jacks in a new place. We'll just blend in a little with things without getting involved. We are looking everywhere for a new apartment.

But at least we are happy.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

April Conference

Ah, General Conference.

I listened to part of the morning session on saturday, and was so vastly unimpressed I felt compelled to vomit. That sacred assembly thing was just... strange. I didn't stand. I didn't raise my hand.

I didn't listen again until we were at the in-laws' house the next day and it was on full blast. I tried to concentrate on other thing like homework as those fine Priesthood brethren spoke about how we need to sacrifice more and how Monson is the greatest thing since Joseph Smith himself. Or Jesus, maybe. When The Man himself spoke, I'm sure everyone almost peed themselves from the excitement. When he invited all of the apostates to come back in the morning session, I felt odd as I realized that he was talking to me. As usual, I wasn't going to heed his words. I haven't felt the need to do that for years, and now especially.

What a waste.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A good way of looking at it.

Subject: Think of it this way ...
Date: Mar 31 18:49

Say that when you are born, your parents put a necklace around your neck. It's nothing special, just a few beads on a string. But from the time you are small, they tell you that it is the necklace that keeps you growing and learning and happy, and if you dare to take it off, you will die. Every day they pound this belief into you to the point that you wouldn't take it off for anything.

Then along comes a friend who was raised just like you but has taken the necklace off. He tells you he knows hundreds of people who have taken the necklace off with no ill effects. He can cite studies that show people thriving after removing the necklace.

Your parents and your friends and teachers and bishop tell you not to listen to your friend. They know what's right, and taking off the necklace is deadly.

But there you sit, faced with a terrifying decision: if your parents are right, you'll die if you take the necklace off. If your friend is right, then everything your parents and teachers taught you is suspect. They lied.

Which one is easier to choose? Keep it on and never know what the consequence will be, or take it off and risk death?