Thursday, February 12, 2009


My parents are trying very hard to persuade my husband and me to come see them over spring break. My dad is especially eager, throwing out promises of "oh sure, I'll buy you a new laptop if you come!" and "we can go do anything while you're here!"

I wish I didn't have to feel the way I do about it, but my Mormon Sense is tingling. I know that they want us alone so that they can say what they really want to say without other family members around. They want to take us to church with them, to persuade us to come back to the faith. With neither of my sisters there as a buffer, they might say just about anything at any time. And frankly I just don't have the strength needed to argue that much.

Perhaps their intent is benign, and all they are so excited for is time with us. I wish I could say that I believed that. In reality, I have already experienced too much of the tug-of-war that happens when you tell someone that you don't believe or that you are having "issues" with the church. They yank as hard as they can to pull you back in, and you pull equally hard to stay the hell out of there. It is entirely exhausting and gets you nowhere (except perhaps farther from the church as your anger for it grows).

So I don't know if I can stand to run the risk of being alone with my own parents. Should I just do it, spend a few days with them, and let the discussion open up? I mean, do they really want to know all of my reasoning behind my decision, or is it even their business? I can't decide that today. I don't know which is better: staying quiet or telling all.

1 comment:

pianochick said...

Hi. I just came across your blog, and can really relate to it. I'm a 38 year old woman (4 kids) who is also in the midst of the detox process. I find myself with a million questions and nobody to ask - seeing as how every. single. person. in my life is a staunch Mormon. If you want to share, I'd love you to drop me a line.
My email is